Greetings Guidelines Gang (my first blog post),
Some of you know that I teach music lessons. I have about 40 students from preschoolers to adults who come every week to learn mostly about piano or guitar. Often, not always, there’s an issue about practicing enough between lessons. I remember how I myself disliked (I was going to say ‘hated’ but that is such a strong word) ‘practicing’ when I was a child, but I loved to ‘play’. That’s why I called my music business ‘Let’s Play Music’.
Recently I read a wonderful book by Victor Wooten called The Music Lesson. A novel akin to The Alchemist or Jonathan Livingston Seagull, and after decades of playing, taking lessons and teaching lessons it has changed how I teach and how I play. Now I focus and teach not about ‘practicing’ but about ’spending time with the instrument’ which can take many forms depending on the learning style of the student. So what does this have to do with the 16 Guidelines?
Well, in the style of The Music Lesson I’ll ask YOU. What DOES this have to do with the 16 Guidelines? Since we’re not in the same room I’ll have to ask you to think about that for a while then continue reading….really give yourself the chance to be patient, and take your moment to think so you can tap into your own wisdom about the answer….I’ll wait….
As Victor suggests, when we learn a language we are surrounded by expert speakers. We begin by making ‘baby talk’ and ‘jamming’ with the experts. For music he suggests playing along with music we like (those musicians are the experts) even if we don’t know the notes or what key we’re playing in. First he says to listen, to feel the Groove of what the musicians are saying with the music. Then, just make a few baby talk notes and listen. Then ask, “Does that go together? Does it sound good? How about this note?” I tried it myself and was amazed at what it taught me. I tried it today with one of my
youngest students, and it worked great….One more chance…what DOES this have to do with the Guidelines?….
In April I started choosing a Guideline card every morning. At first I just tried to observe how that guideline impacted me each day. “Can I exemplify it? Do I observe it around me?” Then I went on asking, “What is my relationship with this guideline? What an I do today to grow in this area?” At difficult or decision points during the day I tried to remember to ask, “How does that guideline inform this moment?”
This morning I got a new insight into the guideline of the day (it was Honesty) and I realized, in between teaching two lessons, that choosing a Guideline card every day is a lot like spending time with the instrument that is my wisdom, my perspective, my attitude, my mind, the filter to my world. When I pick the card and think a moment to set my intention for the day I am listening to the groove of that guideline. That’s a great start, but then I have to play, so I go about my day. As I listen to the baby talk that I make (my actions, my thoughts) I can ask, “Does this fit in with the groove of
this Guideline? Does this sound good?”
So, I have been choosing cards (see how I didn’t say ‘practicing’) since April. Now it’s halfway through June. What have I learned so far playing a few notes a day? What I find is that my relationship with the Guidelines is evolving. When I choose a particular card I first get a feeling. Maybe it’s a comfortable or relieved feeling like “good, I can work with that” or an uncomfortable feeling like “ugh I gotta work on that one again, and I’d really rather just not look at it” or something in the middle like “okay, I think I know what to do with that, but it will take a bit of a stretch.” It’s the “ugh” ones I know I still need to do a little listening to get the groove. The more comfortable ones I can go ahead and play with it, and the middle ones I probably have some of both kinds of work to do.
Probably it doesn’t matter to you what MY realizations have been, since yours will be different, but here’s a sample of three for you to see the KIND of thing that can come out.
Honesty – This one has always felt like “ugh” but recently I have heard a lot of comments from people I respect advocating both ‘radical honesty’ and also to use wisdom and that it’s okay to lie if you’re motivation is to help someone. Today I realized that for me personally the progress is not to be made so much in the area of truth telling, not on the level of the notes, but on how I open up to people. How I can be more genuine in my interactions (more on the order of the Groove I send out). So I can be more truthful as a result. I can share more. I can BE more honest and less guarded. Today this felt good and resulted in some things working out better for everyone involved.
Service – I first went through the Guidelines in order once or twice to make sure I set the stage for all of them, but then I choose them as randomly as I could. Yet, there was a time when I got Service a bunch of days in a row and so I wondered, “What am I missing about this one? I have a great life with lots of time to do things I care about, and I’m very involved with my music students, my own family and three children, and other volunteer efforts,” So, I went back and reread The Basics chapter on Service and realized I wasn’t including Service to myself. I never thought of it quite this way– if I were trying to do something to support myself today what would that be? When I have written about this idea of Service with regard to oneself I have dealt with it under Kindness, being kind to oneself, and Contentment, making good choices for oneself. But for me it was repeatedly getting Service that drove it home for me in a new and meaningful way, to think of it at a deeper level….so that’s something for me to think about.
Courage – I am not a courageous person by nature. Ok, I’m a wimp. I worry about everything. Just ask my kids. But to my credit I’m a recovering perfectionist and control freak. I HAVE made progress. So this is definitely an “ugh” for me. Responsibility is in a similar genre. So to start I am working on my perfectionism. And guess what, it turns out that Service to myself and Courage end up meeting there on not trying to avoid all mistakes. Not expecting myself to be perfect. Those of you who are out there who share this trait know who you are. The rest of you, be patient with with me when I screw up. You won’t be harder on me than I am on myself….
Well, this turned out too long for a blog post, but I’m new to this so I’m going to let go of my perfectionism and just hit submit…let’s get on with it, and perhaps you can Forgive me for the length. If you’re still reading I am Grateful and you have Patience, so here’s a treat.
Feel like you’ve been eavesdropping on a therapy session? You have. Hope it helped. For me, overall, there are fewer “ugh” Guidelines than there used to be as I see where the frontiers are in my relationship with each of them, as I listen to the Groove of the Guidelines and improvise throughout my day, spending the time with the Instrument. And that feels like progress : )
Love,
Denise Flora
17Jun09
